If the idea is to make refusal easier, I think scripts like Im going to this show tomorrow, if youd like to join me and Do you know of anyone who might be able to babysit on Saturday? would be more effective. For a cashier: Great, how are you? just because they are probably required to ask as part of their job. It feels like a lot of just Use Your Words advice is setting people up for a shock when they realize that their coworkers or acquaintances are offput by it. You dont need to read their minds as to what they mean, suss out what they mean next, or throw up defenses against prying nosiness; most of the time, it will not be necessary. A simple, 'We hope you're doing well' will suffice," a Deadline editor tweeted. As far as I can tell both we should hang out sometime/lets have lunch and yeah, we should can translate to you are a nice person I have run into on the street or to I want to see you, lets make plans.. For example, I used to host (board and card) game nights at my home, and Id create an event on Facebook, invite everyone who was part of this group, and ask them to please let me know as soon as they knew whether or not theyd be there, at least by the day before, so I could plan how much food Id need to buy/make. 2. I kind of resent that you assume I will tell you. None of us see each other over weekends. All of these situation have the same question in them, but they are not remotely all one situation. I have close friends that Ive been upfront with and say Im totally a hermit, but I do like to be invited to events and will make them sporadically. But I hate this because then I have to pretend to wait while I figure out if my original plans are going through before I give them an answer. Its technically true and covers pretty much any emotion you might be feeling. But sometimes that comes across as I just dont want to, and thats pretty hurtful. I really appreciate that, even though my parents and I had conflict, they never threatened to kick me out if I couldnt pay the rent. You could just ask. Ill have to check with E and let you know is super convenient. Nobody seems to be doing well by this arrangement. When I am planning an event I usually offer a description of what I have planned first and then we move to scheduling but most of that is done in social media or by e-mail these days. (Seriously? Funny Bumble Answers #3: Rebel Without A Cause This answer is funny because it paints a picture in the woman's mind of a rebel, even in his youth. Its funny I dont even register the question How are you? (Ive lived equal times on the West and East coasts of the US), but I see a couple of UK commenters upthread and when I lived there I never, ever got used to You alright? which, functionally, isnt that different. Answer accordingly. So, it's perfectly . If the reason for you that you daughter should help you at X time with X thing is because family, is the reverse also true? I usually respond Why do you need to know? unless its someone I really trust. I ticked the following boxes: 1) had conversation, 2) got her to talk about herself, 3) gave her questions so she could talk about herself some more to make her feel good, 4) she was talking to me, AND I saw her smile! I have been thinking about this one for some time now, and Im stuck: What is a good response to What are you up to tonight / this weekend / next Thursday?. I usually end up saying something noncommittal like I might be doing xyz, but Im not sure yet why? and waiting to see what the actual deal is. Funny Responses to Compliments Everyone Can Use A friend tricked me into agreeing to babysit her kid once using exactly that so what are you doing on X day approach. (This one will definitely keep them guessing.) not? You (if you are not up for it, whether the reason is actual business or not wanting to at all) oh, I wish I could My range is from fine, thanks, and you to tired but otherwise good to a real answer but nothing too dark or detailed. Since the question what are you doing this weekend? has, like, 18 possible meanings, many of which *can* involve power plays, it just breaks my brain. And then deflect back on to them. Which is why weve all learned to use our words, though it takes some learning and there are still occasional misunderstandings. After decades of various sorts of problem behavior from my father, I literally hit a brick wall of having had enough, and weve been done ever since. I dont know many people who issue we should hang out soon with the expectation that the recipient is then supposed to plan an event if they agree? What are you planning? and nowadays I find that a great answer. Am I? Dont for a second feel guilty about judging a nosy male as no good if they ask nosy questions and show any sign of caring if you dont answer. E- Enjoying. Another option is to have certain chores that a certain person does (e.g. And with some people it is pretty transparently a question with the subtext of let me mooch off of your free time and/or the things you do in your free time are stupid and wrong. 7 Funny Responses to "What Are You Going to do with Your Life?" If you dont want to go, just say so. Not every parent who expects stuff from their kid is unreasonable. Sometimes this takes several rounds before everyone realizes theyve done their line but missed their cue. what are you doing?. 3. I would think that if one is up to the point of having to plan food, one would have also issued a direct invitation? But they seemed concerned that this type of answer was not appropriate or that there might be a better strategy. LW, if it makes you feel any better, when many people ask this question, they arent doing it to trap you into something (though some are, of course). It happens every time I get him as a teller. But, I think the conclusion there is, thats not on me. It helps that at this point in my life Ive stopped associating with people who dont understand that sometimes you can only have so much fun and then you need some time to like, open all your mail and pet the cat. With friends, I might have the motive of finding time to hang, but often its just to find something to talk about. So with someone new, Did you do anything good last weekend? If someone challenges me on something, my default response is to assume the other person is right and I am wrong. Teaching my fish how to swim. But no one argues against working! They specifically mentioned 4 contexts where the asker then does go on to invite them to do something or asks for a favor. Any fun plans? 25 of the Best Responses to "How Was You Weekend" - Tosaylib Situation #4: You have to say "no.". However, there are a lot of male people who use this approach on female people because they are trying to be coercive. If you follow through with people you actually want to see (as in, Can I let you know tomorrow? = You actually let them know one way or another tomorrow), you arent being a jerk by not responding immediately to their questions or invitations, and you dont owe a full accounting of your time. Im not sure it would work on modern creepy dudes. Also it varies on friend one friend, if I ask him if hes free Friday, we both understand that means beer and movies until the early hours, by default. Yeah if I like the person and might be into it I usually friend-flirt with a depends on why!. I get it from friends (who usually just want to find a time to hang and thats not so bad), my cousin (who usually wants me to babysit), my mom (whenever she wants to invite me somewhere), and people Im chatting with on dating websites. "I'm not saying I hate you, what I'm saying is that you are literally. If you have a faaaaaaaamlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy culture where not providing free labor on demand for family makes you the jerk, lean in to it and accept the mantle of jerk; this frees you from ever needing to try to avoid that label in the future. Point 1 also notes that LW apparently finds the small-talk aspect unusually invasive ze doesnt wish to share zir plans at all, while many people consider this to be a low-stakes social bonding ritual. ME: Hi [Friend], Id like to plan a karaoke night with you, are you free [date] or [date]? These guys then hope the girl will then respond with relating a fun anecdote, to which the guy will respond by asking a question or two to keep her talking, and then hell think, Great! Those of us who are white have a hard time grasping the sheer weirdness that tends to go into this stuff. Rob: Hey Jan. Good, thanks, you? I too have found that nobody seems offended if I respond with a cheerful: Why? Without answering their question at all. Funny Responses to "How Are You?" (& Other Questions!) - Science of People Accompany your morning treating with a Halloween wish. I am not anyones manic pixie dream social secretary. or are you busy?). Me:why? Him: Nothing at all? I've Tried, but No One Listens Hopefully Not as Good as I'll Ever Be If I Was Any Better, Vitamins Would Be Taking Me Okay. Lets do it.). Published April 10, 2020 "How are you doing right now?" That's the question I've been defaulting to on the phone, over text, and over Zoom chats during this time of ballooning,. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. Most of those projects and research were for fanfiction. As such, I like to preface it with taking care of some stuff. You're supposed to live it and enjoy it. I can see how doing anything on thee weekend is small talk, but that would only count if the person is someone you are not on visiting terms with, like most of my colleagues. Life is filled with lots of required thing that some folks loathe and others either like or dont care either way. Sorry about that! Part of why Im asking is I just plain find it baffling that parents do this, though the consequences loom large enough. My introvert self doesnt like last-minute extroverting.). Its great that you can come!. And so if it happens to me, I wind up agreeing to the thing even if maybe I normally wouldnt have, because now I have no valid excuse for declining. Excellent insight and analysis. When we nearly got evicted from our housing situation, I was critically busy trying to find an apartment for me and the housemates, and it kind of annoyed me to have friends pinging me like Heyyy, I miss you, can we get lunch this week, without finding out if I was actually available first. I think a more appropriate reaction would be to apologize once, politely, then go away and process what I did wrong by myself. Look who is talking. I dont think my friends are trying to put me on the spot at all. (beaming smile) (speaking a bit slowly) So you go on (big cheery gesture) on your own because youre interrupting our discussion time.. Now when he asks I say party like a rock star. Also, that is very common; very few people I know can really remember everything they are doing for months ahead. If you are an academic assigning my posts in your courses, Id appreciate an email with a copy of the relevant syllabus/assignment for my records/CV. What about you? I think LW is unable to separate people doing something that they personally find annoying, and people intentionally trying to annoy them. 4. This relationship goes both ways. My response if Im up for it is Looking like a fun one, but did you have something in mind? If Im probably not up for it I say All the things! This particular response though, is one of my favorite comments ever. If people volunteer that theyre from somewhere far away whether they have a recognizable accent or not I might ask what made them choose this tiny place to move to. UGH. Might I suggest a they or a xie, my friend. However, it is true that "hanging out" is not what a person often thinks of as "OMG awesome must be there!" It can mean I want to make plans if youre freewhich, for me at least, isnt so much plan it for me as planning is hard, lets establish if theres even an open time slot before we nail down the details. Im glad youre no longer friends with that jerk. "Thank you, I appreciate that.". For people I know, the answer is closer to what you say is the norm in Sweden anything from Having a truly awesome day to Need more coffee to counteract the baby waking up an hour before the alarm. For close friends, I can and have answered with details about what the brain weasels are up to today. Julia has been . I want collaborators, not pupils. "Great, thanks for asking" is a generic response that you can use when you receive a "how's your day going" message. It generally meant that they had read somewhere on some really stupid website that you should try to get the girl you want to talk about herself, because girls like to talk about themselves. Ive spent some time in California and I never really know how to respond correctly. It means Im doing nothing., Glorying in my splendid solitude how about you?. Why? They also influence how OFTEN. This realization is making me like Tuesdays more.) Yep yep yep. Luckily my husband is a Mega Introvert as well (sometimes more than me) and understands my feelings. I slept for twelve minutes while perching on top of my desk like a bird! I ask this question all the time. You absolutely can. I never thought about the fact that some people might be actually trying to relieve the pressure! Thursday is awful for me rushing all day invites the questioner to drop the topic, and Nothing, how about you invites the questioner to ask you to the fun thing. I also feel compelled to give easy ways out when I feel like Im making a request, including ending requests with and no is a perfectly acceptable answer.. (In this case it was never exactly meant to result in actually doing anything), Them We need to have lunch soon Darn, my wife wants me home early [so we can watch Netflix on the couch with our cat].. Then I can pin them down on what, and when, without having pre-committed myself to some favor they were hinting at sideways. 200 Sarcastic Quotes 1. More and more, Ive been owning that I dont ever have to say yes. Them: What are you doing this weekend? So if theyre just chatting youve invited them to talk about their own weekend, and if they are in fact leading up to an invitation, then youve been vague about whether nothing interesting means lots of chores, or free time. This says "I'm doing well.". I agree with the Captain that its all about boundaries. 150+ Funny and Witty Answers to the Question "How Are You?" Good, looks like the flowers are coming out (in Spring) It sounds like you find the second uncomfortable or have had bad experiences with people misusing it to manipulate you. I have less than zero interest in tutoring kids that have no interest in the subject. Its just one of the normal options. (Like the How are you? inquiries) Could be specific to where I am, though. What are you doing this weekend? A party people pop quiz so to speak. Aunt: Are you doing anything this weekend? This applies in other areas of life too. On a walk with my dinosaur. So when I get a what are you doing after work Friday? text halfway through work on Thursday just tell me what youre going to suggest in the same message. Who on earth does #4, besides a small boy under 6? All five are initial questions, appropriate for a relatively fast . I compared to you older friends of mine I see ruining their relationships with their adult children through constant disrespect, but then being bewildered as to why things are going so badly. They think I cant give a soft no because Ive already said Im not busy and I cant give a hard no because Im a woman. "I'll get back to you once I'm back from my long-awaited trip to the fridge.". Ive been loving all your responses on this thread. Then, actually do check your calendar, check in with yourself if you actually want to do whatever it is, and answer the person when its convenient for you. It took a LOOOOONNNNGGG time to train them out of, What are you doing this weekend? 1. As for rentpart of my problem with that is: I would never, ever rent a room to a non-family member. Thank you! Hence the claim some of your time, or even the if youre available as a way to say, you have to have solid plans if youre going to tell me no; you cant just say you dont want to do it.. that sounds fun! I dont think she feels disliked; theres really not a lot of conflict for us. Just treating it as a question of not disclosing/being private is entirely the wrong approach. Theyre private and you dont need to know them. The conversation can go like this either way and be appropriate and you not be on the spot either way. Does that mean that these women would get constant requests for free tech support? I sympathize. 4) "When asked what I did over the weekend, I reply, 'Why, what did you hear?'" 5) And it's weekend memes baby!!! Like now? I have a group of friends now whom I trust not to give me a hard time about the explicit choice to paint my toenails in front of Netflix instead of going out. I think the idea is that someone who thinks no is hard will get the direct request and start cancelling plans, because no one would actually directly ask for babysitting unless this was the most important event of their lives.
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